I must say that the production values of the show definitely reflect that this is THE event of the year as far as MTV is concerned. I mean, the MTV Movie awards are cute, and "The Real World" and "Next" and all of those other NON-music-themed shows that MTV has greenlighted over the last couple of years have their own intrinsic value (I'm guessing the value lies somewhere in the advertising revenue that the network must rake in from silly sponsors who still think that the MTV audience is a shrewd, cool group of early adapters of all things popular and therefore pay top dollar to land their commercials on its airwaves- who knows?), but the MTV Video Music Awards have been and continue to be the jewel in MTV's crown.
As this is the case it stands to reason that music's most popular artists, who continually rely on the "Billboard chart carte-blanche" that MTV bestows upon them in the form of heavy video rotation, feel the need to step up their game be sexier, trendier, more publicity-generating and more outrageous every year. Sometimes it works (ask Panic at The Disco!!), and sometimes it doesn't (isn't that right, Christina Aguilera?)
I felt that I was watching something both new and subversive when Madonna first blazed the MTV awards stage with her legendary rousing "not-so-much-a-virgin-as-a-vamping-bride" rendition of "Like A Virgin". I know how I gagged when Madonna kissed Britney AND Christina on that memorable opening performance that some felt somehow passed the pop icon title over to Britney. It felt like the beginning of something new when Justin Timberlake blessed the awards show with his FIRST performance of his FIRST song on his FIRST solo release, leading young women and some women beyond the 25-29-year-old-demographic to look at him differently. (And, for the record, he ROCKED IT!) I was there when Jennifer Lopez cemented her fashion icon status standing next to David Duchovny in a dress so provocative for the time that it led Duchovny to comment "this is one time that I'm sure no one's looking at ME!!!"
These are the memories that I have about the MTV Awards, and every year I think a new memory will be indelibly burned into my pop culture subconscious by the end of those 3 hours of rock-n-roll mayhem and hip-hop posturing. But it seems of late- like, the last FOUR years or so- I can't think of a single moment in these shows that I can look back on and say "yup, yup, I remember when that happened...it was HOT!!!". I mean, the last time I thought the pre-show had ANY balls at all was when Ludacris performed "Move, B#*^$" on the street outside of Radio City or when Puffy showed up IN A TRICKED OUT 18-WHEELER, or when DMX's last minute cancellation opened the population's eyes to the coming of the St. Louis phenomenon that would become Nelly. That was a while ago. Sad to say but Fergie, this year performing her new single "London Bridge" (which shamelessly rips off the vibe of Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl") in Burberry-print poom-poom shorts definitely pales in comparison. As for the actual show itself, While Puffy TRIED to get sexy with his "anything can happen" mantra from last year's awards show by semi-shocking the audience with a surprise performance by Rap Footnote MC Hammer, the bar had been raised too high for that moment to make MTV Award show history. I'm guessing one of those "memorable" moments was supposed to be when Lil Kim (who was recently released from prison due to good behavior- and not for good fashion sense!) came onstage in an orange prison jumpsuit flanked by faux security guards, peeled out of said jumpsuit and shouted "You can't keep a good bitch down...I'm bringin sexy back...".
Wrong again. Inappropriately glamorizing, incorrectly irreverent and completely enabling, but definitely NOT hot, NOT sexy or memorable.
Which lends the question- in its quest to be THE coolest music awards show, has MTV gotten...OLD???
Well, if aging is the question, then John Norris may be part of the answer. Let me put it out there. I like John Norris. I applaud him for being forever ensconsed in the VJ seat, and being thus a pertinent part of the music PR machine. But...let's talk about the hair for a minute. First came the obvious hair transplant two years ago or so. Fine...the industry is youth-driven and appearing youthful is undoubtedly an important part of that. So fine, get hair plugs. It was even done subtlely, with more and more hair appearing on Mr. Norris' head in a gradual fashion as opposed to the SHOCK of a "miracle toupe" on a head that we saw the day before shining off the studio lights. So, bravo on the "gilda" John. However, to dye it that garrishly conspicuous blondish brown REEKS of a desperate Nora Desmond "I'm ready for my Close-up, Mr. Demille" vibe. STOP IT!!! Moreover, if he INSISTS on paying so much attention to the "reinvention" of the hair, why hasn't he fixed those uneven chiclets that he calls teeth? (Sorry, I just HAD to get that out. I'm sure I'll be blacklisted from the MTV/Viacom offices now...)
That aside, there were only a couple of things about the show that stuck out for me, so here goes:
- 50 Cent and LL present Best Female Video (which eventually goes to Kelly Clarkson- pulling an upset for Clarkson for the SECOND year in row!). Okay, so LL has finally been roped into the 50 Cent G-Unit machine and is doing some promotional appearances to amp up the fact that they will be working together on LL's new album. Fine. 50 has had great success with generating publicity for any past rapper he is slated to work with (Mase, Mobb Deep, et. al). LL has been a mastermind at marketing his superiority in the rap game and his "I got nothing else to prove, I'm the greatest of all time" swagger he has perfected. But...why was LL, in 50's presence, LOUD AND IRRITATING? If I'm not mistaken, he even reverted back to the "one pant leg up" thing that many have ridiculed him for. Its almost like having your father crash your teen sleepover and embarrassing you by trying to show your friends how "cool" and "with it" he is. Cmon LL. You've come a long way, baby, your street cred is NOT in question, so acting like you're in the booth on BET's "Rap City" rather than an accomplished lyricist representing for the "grown ass man" contingent is just disheartening. Stop IT!!
- Lucacris and Pharell performing Luda's new song "Shake that Money Maker". Luda is the shit. But that song sounds like a Neptunes-produced B-Side as far as I'm concerned. Interesting enough, Luda's new braidless brush-cut has him looking straight-up DOMINICANO!!!!!
Not bad, chulo...
-Jessica Simpson presenting an award in that TIRED late 80's "Robert-Palmer-blowup-doll-model from the 'Addicted to Love' video" getup. Yes, this looks like it may shape up to be the year of the miniskirt in the fashion world, but that "Herve-Leger-meets-Canal-Street-fashion-victim" emsemble she threw on was just SAD...
- Johnny Knoxville and the morons from the "Jackass" movie franchise performing various acts of self-mutilation and overall idiocy onstage to the horror of viewers everywhere (I think!). You know, watching Johnny and company staple, cut and damage almost every appendage on their body strikes me as particularly assinine and destructive. Not only does it communicate to the young impressionable 10-year-old boys watching the show that its okay and even hilarious to literally risk life and limb for the sake of a 10 second guffaw, but it also is incredibly insensitive to those born without all their body parts or those that have lost them through legitimately unfortunate accidents through no fault of their own. I'm speaking for those paraplegics and amputees out there when I say this...Johnny Knoxville and company are ASSHOLES!!!! Like the old saying goes...its ALWAYS funny until it puts your eye out!!! SICK ASSHOLES!!!
- Sarah Silverman's "roast" of Paris HIlton. Absolutely GENIUS!!! You know how The REAL RE-Edit feels about Paris Hilton, right? Silverman engaged the appropriate amount of hilarity, hubris, sarcasm, and camp to say what we have been saying forever- the idea of Paris Hilton- i.e., nontalented clueless celebrity debutante (dilletante?) is RIDICULOUS. And on the subject of her highly publicized "split" with Nicole Richie: cut out the stupid feud already!!! To be fair, Hilton's "Stars Are Blind" is the SHIT!!! I'm not mad at her for lining up the right producers (Scott Storch, et. al) for her new project. To be continued...
- The All-American Rejects ROCKED!!! That's all I have to say about that...
- Props to MTV for giving Pink the "Best Pop Video Female" award. In a "six degrees of separation" moment, Pink (who was channelling Kelis' 80's assymetrical haircut) was presented her award for the satiric "Stupid Girls" song she wrote eschewing the airhead "Paris/Nicole/my-super-sweet-sixteen-vixen" personalities that teen girls have lately adopted BY NICOLE RICHIE!!! Classic!
- Best Rap Video goes to Chamillionaire. Now if the category was Best Rap SONG, then maybe he should have walked away with it. But for best VIDEO, the moonman should have gone to Busta Rhymes for his "Touch It" Remix video with Mary, Missy, Lloyd Banks, DMX and Papoose- hands down.
- Most anticipated yet most disappointing performance of the evening- Beyonce. I LOVE Beyonce. I commend her for redefining the pop diva category. I can't knock her talent both in front of the mike and behind the producer's board. However, the one thing I look forward to the MOST from Ms. Knowles are her PERFORMANCES. She singlehandedly vaulted "Crazy In Love" to classic status with her performance of that song initially on The Today Show, then she let you know she officially arrived by performing it on the BET Awards, and then she cemented it with her performance on the MTV Awards. She has come out of the ceiling hanging upside down, dropped it like it was on FIRE in stilettos, and even gave the chicks in the club a new move with "the booty dance". The bar was set HIGH for her return performances. Coming off of her electrifying performance of "Deja Vu" on the BET Awards earlier this year, the expectation was that whe would definitely come with it for her performance of "Ring the Alarm" for her sophomore return to the MTV stage. However, it just didn't happen.
- Hype Williams tribute/performance and presentation of the "video vanguard" award. This was one of those times that COULD have been a seminal MOMENT at the awards show. The premise was GREAT: have artists whose videos have been truly BLESSED by Hype Williams re-create a portion of those groundbreaking videos onstage. Don't get me wrong; I loved the fact that Busta and Missy were able to lend a hand, but...with the ARMY of rappers/R&B singers, and dancers that have benefitted immensely from this man's artistic contribution to their visual careers (Brandy, Jay-Z,R. Kelly, Mary J. Blige, Ja Rule, Usher, Q-Tip, Puffy), are those the ONLY artists that the all-encompassing MTV could muster up to perform during the tribute? This man has been INSTRUMENTAL in the formation of material that has kept MANY artists in the limelight, sometimes on the strength of their video alone (Blu Cantrell, Ashanti). Could anybody else have performed?
Even the show's hosts have gone entirely mainstream in years past. The zaniness and on-the-spot irreverent hilarity of the Dan Ackroyds, the Bette Midlers and the Arsenio Halls have been replaced by the flimsy antics and overproduced semi-comical taped segments of the Chris Rocks, the Puffys, the Marlon and Sean Wayanses and...THE JACK BLACKs????!!! Gone are the expressions of subversion and outrageousness that once fueled the "anti-awards show awards show", replaced by a somewhat numb feeling of obligatory pyrotechnics, the presence of a "who are you wearing?" Red Carpet presentation and the absence of genuine SURPRISES. So in trying to answer the question "are the MTV Music Awards getting old?", I think the better question may be: is the franchise just mellowing with time... We'll see next year.
Questions for the Zeitgeist- MTV Music Awards edition...
1- Is Panic at the Disco (who also rocked!), with their elaborately staged and costumed performances, the New "Duran Duran"? Did they get upset in the "Best New Artist in a Video" category by 'Avenged Sevenfold'?2- 30 Seconds to Mars walk away with the MTV2 award. Would they have gotten it if teen girls around the country weren't hopelessly devoted to movie hearthrob-turned band frontman Jared Leto?
3- How unnecessary was the taped Britney-Kevin Federline schtick they did before presenting the award for Best R&B video?
4- Why did MTV beat BET to the punch in honoring video director-extraordinaire/visionary Hype Williams, who singlehandedly re-invented black videos as a whole and indirectly affected all music videos since?
5- With all of these non-music oriented reality shows that invade its airwaves during prime viewing hours, Did Lou Reed have a good point when he said "I'd love it if MTV would play more Rock and Roll"?
6- How cool was it firstly for MTV to book The Raconteurs as the house band for the awards show (the first house band they've ever had) and then to rally ZZ Top's Billy Gibbons to turn out a SMOKIN' performance of "Cheap Sunglasses"? Isn't that how we REALLY want our MTV?
7- Is Extremer Sean Ryant "Carrot Top 2006"?
8- Did Kelis get mad that Pink bit her asymmetric haircut?
9- In keeping with the "People's Choice" award, shouldn't MTV create a "VJ's Choice" award and allow only the MTV VJs, both past and present, to nominate andvote on an artist/band?
10- How many people really thought Jack Black was funny as the host?
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