I hate myself for loving you...

I hate myself for STILL loving you. For STILL feeling my heart jump out of my chest at the mere mention of your name. For STILL allowing my thoughts to be interrupted EVERY DAY by you, one way or another. For having my REM sleep invaded by images of you; touching you, holding you, laughing with you, hearing your voice. I smell you in my dreams. I hate that I can't seem to get past you, even though its been over 2 years- even as I realize and still reel from the hurtful shit we've both done . I hate myself for STILL being emotionally unavailable to those that want to make themselves emotionally available to me. I hate knowing that even though we will never be together again (there, I wrote it), I can't see myself with anyone else--and HAVEN'T seen myself with anyone else. What can I do? How can I get past this? I tried bitterness, jadedness, altered consciousness, hobbies...what's next? I see you on the street and I can't even open my mouth to return a simple "hello", even though my heart is shouting VOLUMES. I hate knowing that if there WILL be another that I'll allow into ME, that your presence will be there to make things harder for me to have something REAL and HEALTHY; that I will have to work virtually around the clock not to make any potential twosome a menage a trois, because you have become so ingrained in my psyche. I hate that , in the sadly prophetic words of Deniece Williams, its "gonna take a miracle to make me love someone new". DAMN DAMN DAMN!