Open Mike- "Yelling at God"

For years I’ve been quietly weeping
I’ve been hoping against the obvious
Praying against the inevitable
Shaking my head at the ugliness we do, the unconscionable

I’ve been praying for my people
And crossing my fingers for things to turn out right
I’ve been quietly singing hymns and psalms and Old Negro Spirituals
And putting my heart and soul into every syllable

I’ve put on a happy face and smiled through the pain
And tried to realize that for every 3 sunny days
There has to be at least one day of rain

And I’ve done what I was supposed to do
And gave what was expected of me to give
And learned what was necessary
And listened to how a Christian is supposed to live

But through all of this giving and singing and praying and being and hoping…

I’ve tried my best to stifle this voice
That wailed at the idea of men damaging little boys
I’ve stroked it softly when it cried from its gut
When it heard about little girls in Thailand getting fucked
I’ve tried to reason with it when it couldn’t gage
How wonderfully creative people in the first world could still die of AIDS

How we could allow the savagery of clitoral circumcision
And be satisfied with international cultural tunnel-vision
How it's ok that people who sleep with their own sex have provisions
In our laws designed to keep them second-class citizens
How those poor souls were never served anything uglier and meaner
Than a ball of hell packaged with the beautiful name Katrina
How we don’t question what’s REALLY the matter
When given the choice of ‘Vote or DIE’- and we choose the latter

And so sometimes I find myself laying on my back staring at the ceiling
YELLING AT GOD!!!

Screaming like I have a right to question Him
Not in decibels full of contempt without fear of retribution
But in a blind, awkward and earnest attempt to obtain a viable resolution

Because MY God couldn’t be watching all of this go on and do NOTHING…

So my faith is being tested at a time when it could be stronger
‘Cause my patience is growing shorter and my emotions longer
And there’s only so much giving and singing and praying and being and hoping that I have left
Before I have to personally address these injustices and get something off my chest

And who knows what would happen then…

In the meantime, I’ll continue to try to lower this voice that speaks volumes of despair
And hope that sometime soon my God will take over and get us away from there…