The NEXT "America's Next Top Model"- U wanna be on TOP?!!!

Ok, so I made a prediction last season (here), and I was...pretty close. Now again comes the time when I feel I have to offer my two cents on the guilty pleasure known as "Top Model". Who did what, who turned it out, who burned out, who was unnecesarily unceremoniously canned, who should have been canned but wasn't, and WHO SHOULD WIN.

Let's start with the season't most creative shoot: the very first one, where the girls had to pose...BALD!!!!! In Western culture, it takes an exceptionally beautiful woman to make bald look feminine, exotic, and resplendent. A few of the contestants stepped up to the challenge early: Nnenna
served up African queen and showed that she could rock a baldy quite comfortably (so comfortably that they made her almost bald for her makeover after this shoot), Mollie Sue
brought soft yet simmering feminine energy while remaining decidedly beautiful.


Danielle brought fierce piercing eyes which were set off by her long gazelle-like neck and regal cheekbones.

Speaking of bones- to no one's surprise- Gina's cheekbones sealed the deal.

Jade attempted, but didn't quite come off as soft and pink as she needed to (which would dog her for the first couple of shoots).

One chick- Kathy- looked deranged and became the posterchild for why most women CAN'T be bald and beautiful; and was rightfully sent home after the first challenge.


The season's most cruel joke: the models trying to ramp in those impossibly high, "Ana Molinari-meets-Vivian-Westwood" pumps. I don't know WHO thought this challenge up- maybe some sadomasochisic drag queen who witnessed Naomi Campbell topple over at that infamous Vivienne Westwood show when she couldn't maintain that signature walk in those 12-inch indigo mock croc lace-up platform boots Thirteen women (most of whom looked like they had never walked in REGULAR 3 inch stillettos) are forced to walk a runway in what looked like SIX inch stiletto PLATFORMS!!! The first thing their legal department should have warned them against was EXACTLY what happened to Danielle; JACKED-UP model ankles!!! If Danielle really wanted to be evil, she could have sued the producers and possibly had the show renamed "Danielle presents...America's Next Top Model". I mean, I'm sure even Naomi has nightmares about those damn clogs!!

Unceremoniously canned? Dr. Yvonne, the emergency room doctor whose walk rivals some of the best-trained models on ANY runway, didn't even make it into the house. True, she photographed a little old, but it would have been good to have her in the house to teach those awkward vaginas how to serve the runway- but I digress.

The "What the hell were they looking at" contestant: Kari.
Miss Piggy on diet pills? Yes. Brigitte Bardot? HELL no!. Kari had ONE good pic (very Pam Anderson locked in a deep-freezer!)


The little train that SHOULD have, but didn't--tie: Furonda and Gina. Furonda had the name and everything (Supermodel Katoucha! Supermodel Verushka! Supermodel Furonda!!!). At a lanky yet somewhat curvy 5'11, she had the perfect model body, replete with fit-model legs. Some of her pics were BEAUTIFUL!

Gina: the only girl who had the bone structure to compete with Jade (sans dragon-queen effect!) but who was as CLUELESS as a bag of question marks!!!


Biggest disappointment- tie: Nenna's fading out and Sarah's not giving it like a 6-foot Glamazon should!

Nnenna started out the strongest, winning the first 2 or three challenges. She was the frontrunner to watch. The title was hers to lose- and she did. When she faded into the background with that horrible babydoll shoot
followed by that DRY mermaid picture, I knew her days were numbered. That photo shoot with the male model where she posed as a HOT chemist should have sealed the deal.
I was soooo disappointed!


Sarah's open-mouthed vacant face in a lot of her pictures betrayed her height, which was her only advantage in this season's contenders.

Most annoying: Of course, to no one's surprise- Jade. Whether it was her incessantly referring to herself in the third person ("Jade is a star", "Jade can work it", "this is Jade", "Jade is a supermodel", "Jade has potential- do yo see it? Do you see it?"...blah blah blah, ZIP IT!) or the somewhat suspicious and completely bitchy mindfuck she administered to Gina early in the competition, one gets the feeling that she would be much more attractive, mysterious, and accomplished if we never heard her speak at all. In all fairness, even though her attitude stinks worse than the morbid odor that probably permeated Phuket Island the day after the Tsunami, she HAS continually ramped up and turned out softer, more beautiful, "more model and less drag queen" pics. She's been called "arrogant", "defensive" and "fake" (to her face!) and takes it on the shoulder everyweek. Yet and still she made it to the final three, and we can't take that away from her. On top of all of that- she's A MODEL!!! Take these (2) pics as evidence...
But it wasn't until the church fashion show, when Jade came "up in through" with the "swirl", that I started to believe she could actually be a contender. She really put air under that cape and twirled, twirled, twirled like she was in a Dior show. Not bad...



This season's sleeper was indeed Joanie, whose portfolio was strong and whose walk was indeed a breath of fresh air. I predict she will be among the top two standing, up-ended only by one chick...

This season's winner, in my estimation will be


Danielle. Her "Snow White" SEALED it for me...she even looked resplendent bald- how many women can say that? Southern accent be damned, she has been consistently among the top choices every week, has consistently turned out VIVID, BEAUTIFUL pictures and has shown the most drive to succeed. Summoning nothing more than courage, determination and mettle, she has survived a sprained toe (thanks to those ridiculous platform heels), two visits to the dentist to correct that "not-quite-Lauren-Hutton" gap-toothed smile, and food poisoning in a third world country. All while looking STUNNING!!! I mean, what more can you ask for in a model?

Unlike in seasons past, the majority of these girls could actually have somewhat successful careers as models. I mean, come on- LOVE Eva Pigford; she serves face, ramps on the runway and all that, but NO agency would have picked her up due to her height. Adrian, season 1 winner, was too trashy. Season 2 winner Yoanna had BEAUTIFUL porcelain skin and bone structure that most women would hate her for, but her body was unfortunate. In my estimation, at least 7 of the chosen 13 could be working in New York right now (and probably are). These girls were the first group since the show's inception who seemed to up the beauty quotient from previous years by at least 1000%

If I hadn't brought any of the other contestants' names up, its because they didn't register on my radar- oh well...

but I digress...

My father's name is Miguel...don't SON me to death!!!

My mother's name: Janice. My father's name: Miguel. Unfortunately, they have both taken the outstretched hand of God and joined him in heaven. In my estimation, those are the only two individuals who have to right to address me as "son"; NOT my boys who I hit the club with, NOT the brother working at ATRIUM greeting me as I walk through the door, NOT the dude asking me for the time as I'm waiting for the 2 train. And certainly not my good-good-girlfriend (whom I will not name, but she knows who she is!). Where the hell did this come from anyway? When did "bruh", "playa", "kid", "bro", "playboy", and the like morph into "son"?

I had the same stance two or so years ago, when everybody was going around calling each other "pa" ( i.e., "sup pa?"). Don't call me "pa"; I have no kids- to date, that I know of. (Pero, si hablamos espanol, puedes llamarme "papi" o "papo"- claro?).

This expression has become so ubiquitous amongst the brown and sexy that I don't think it even sounds strange to people anymore. And... its not confined to males! True story: I'm riding the A train back to Brooklyn late one night (as I've been known to do). Two o'clock in the morning on a Thursday. The train pulls into the West 4th Street station and the throng get on. Three young women, who couldn't have been more than 16 if they were 20, sat immediately across from me. What stunned me most was not that they were teenagers OUT SO LATE ON A SCHOOLNIGHT, nor that two of the three could easily have auditioned for "America's Next Top Model" and gave Ms. Jade a run for her money. What really furrowed my brow was the conversation-"...yo, dat nigga was mad cute, SON!"..."...soon as I get home, I'm hittin the bed, SON!"..." "...I'm not feelin like goin to class tomorrow, SON!". Since when is it okay for FEMALES to call each other 'SON'? WTF??!! That's supposed to be sexy?

Now I might be overreacting; "son" could just be another term of endearment that defies gender-specific categorization; sort of like "partna", "ace", or "running buddy". But I don't think so. Those colloquialisms denote an equality with those being referred to. When you address someone as "son", it denotes progeny, someone who would not be here if it hadn't been for you or your hormones. It automatically places the addressed in a subordinate position and the addressor in a position of reverence, respect and in most cases authority. Maybe its just me, and maybe I'm having a bad day, but unless your seed is responsible for my existence, unless you put me through college with your hard-earned money, unless you guided me into becoming the man that I am today, you don't have the RIGHT to refer to me as "SON".

but I digress, son...LOL

What's the "bochinche"?- Gossipfolks examined...

I'm feeling very "What is the meaning of LIFE?" right now, so I am going to get somewhat cosmic and thought-provoking on your asses for a minute! I want to talk about GOSSIP for a moment. You know, Rumors. Speculation. Allegation. Other People's Personal Business. And for my Latino brethren: 'Bochinche' ("bow-cheen-chay"). 'Chisme' ("cheez-meh").






I don't want to sound preachy, and I don't' want to make it seem as though I have exempted myself from participating in the "paying it forward" of other people's business before I became a MAN (and put those childish things aside).

Entertainment gossip- in its purest form- makes and breaks careers, and I suppose on a purely ephemeral level,keeps things interesting. It makes the world go 'round. It keeps Spin Doctors employed and celebrities' names in the spotlight- especially when its "juicy" gossip! But at what point does 'bochinche' become malicious, libelous slander? At what point does our preoccupation with the talented tenth become dangerous- when we would rather watch "Entertainment Tonight" or "Access Hollywood" than "CNN Headline News" or 60 Minutes"? Interestingly enough, both CNN Headline News AND 60 Minutes feature paparazzi-oriented segments as well...

Its natural for us as humans to muse about how and where Brangelina will bring their new seed into the world; about if Whitney will ever kick her habit; about if Paris Hilton really has herpes (yikes!). It humanizes them. It gives us "celeb-reality"; it makes them appear approachable, somewhat fallible, subject to the same tribulations that we "normal" people go through every day- even if we aren't making 7 million dollars a picture or selling 20 million records. It allows us to live vicariously through them. Its also somewhat aspirational; if we become intrinsically attached to the stories of how these mega-stars were once "ordinary people", it gives those who are trying to reach that level of recognizability hope of getting there.

I guess some parts of THE REAL RE-EDIT- specifically the "Questions For The Zeitgeist" entries- may perhaps ride the periphery of gossip. Some might call it passive-aggressive instigation. I prefer to think of it as pure speculative thought. However, NOTHING I say there reveals anything that any person who is blinking during the day isn't exposed to on a daily basis through newspapers, television, the internet or popular lore. I haven't (to date) inserted "blind items", wherein I change, omit or infer celebrities' names to further some piece of gossip that may or not be true. I deal in TRUTH, for the most part (my opinions notwithstanding- which may only contain SLICES of veritas). No question that I ask in those entries approach gospel; just the ramblings of a pop-culture-perverted mind.
That's the difference between THE REAL RE-EDIT and pure gossip. I take what is offered to us by celebrity PR gurus, political/entertainment journalists, and the general "chatterati" alike and turn it on its head; most times in a satirical, sardonic, or comical sense, but also sometimes as a result of genuine introspection. I think the absence of judgment (for the most part) and the presence of camp and the recognition of the ridiculous is what separates blogs like THE REAL RE-EDIT, Rod 2.0, SCL Cafe, et. al, from much-maligned (yet widely-read) publications like The National Enquirer, OK!, and The Star

That being said, I hope I give you something to think about every now and then, outside of the realm of celebrity shit-talk and movie-star minutiae. On the REAL, we can talk about whether Michael molested those boys or whether we think Luther was gay or whether Jennifer really is the bitchy diva that we hear she is until the cows come home; but AIDS, racism, and poverty will still be part of our collective lives after we finish talking about each of those topics. Hmmmmm....


Well, that's enough of that...By the way, have you seen how Janet, on the eve of the release of her new CD, has whittled herself down to a size 4?



(couldn't help myself!!!)

OK, I digress...back to your regularly-scheduled program...

Countdown to "Dreamgirls"...

It looks like they MIGHT get it right!!! Dreamworks/Paramount have assembled a stellar cast reprising one of the most beloved plays in the history of (dare I say 'black'?) musicals. In everything- from the choice of talent to the marketing strategies and production values- the planets appear to be aligning to bring the type of excitement and black celebrity wattage to the screen not seen in this genre since "The Wiz". Academy Award- winning screenplay writer Bill Condon ("Gods and Monsters") helms the directorship of the film, teamed with the very capable hands of Oscar-nominated producer Laurence Mark ("Jerry Maguire", "As Good As It Gets"). Names like Academy-award winning production designer John Myhre ("Chicago") and the ever-talented music video choreographer Fatima Robinson add extra talent pedigree behind the camera.

The brightest and most recognizable names in front of the camera headlining this imminent blockbuster are of course Beyonce, Jamie Foxx, Danny Glover, Hinton Battle and Eddie Murphy. In a daring and perhaps ingenious set of casting moves, movie screen novice Anika Noni Rose (most notable for her appearance in the Broadway play "Caroline, or Change") and "American Idol" favorite Jennifer Hudson- along with Beyonce- round out the trio around whom the storyline revolves. It would seem that the play's original director, producer and choreographer, Michael Bennett, would be proud with the choices. With all of this talent onscreen and off, it should be interesting around Oscar time next year...

And now,The RE-EDIT:

Jennifer Hudson is going to REALLY have to come with it!!! I was one of those pulling for her to beat out Fantasia for the coveted role of Effie White in what should be THE Christmas season 2006 mega-hit. We've seen countless reprisals and traveling companies offering their productions - none of which managed to capture the undeniable magic of the original cast; even vocal powerhouse Frenchie Davis couldn't match Jennifer Holliday's Torch Song rendition of "And I am Telling You I'm Not Going". Perhaps the only artist who came CLOSE to capturing the power of La Holliday's trademark song was Shirley Murdock, who covered it on her 1988 CD "A Woman's Point of View". Good luck, JHud!

But when you are competing with performances like this, the task can be daunting.


Very few can compare to Holliday's fire, conviction, and command of the play's most popular song with wreckless (and impeccable) abandon.



It looks like the Dreamgirls PR machinery is gearing up...I can't wait to see it!

Questions for the Zeitgeist- May 1, 2006

1- With Denzel’s lukewarm reception in last year’s “Julius Caesar”, Ali MacGraw’s not-so-critically-acclaimed return to the public eye in “Festen”, and now Julia Roberts’ questionable debut in “Three Days of Rain” : Are movie stars with little to NO theatrical training beginning to realize why they’re MOVIE stars?


2- Given his Page Six “payola-scheme-gone-wrong”, who in the world would want to be Jared Paul Stern right now?


3- Okay, so someone got arrested trying to parachute off of the Empire State Building. The REAL question is: when is someone going to try to skateboard down the ramp at the (newly-refurbished) Prada store in Soho?

4- With a CD that went “triple-wood”, a collection of movies that grossed less than the total of a Paris Hilton shopping spree, and the recent revelation that he cheated notoriously on his girl/self-proclaimed best friend Christina Milian, exactly how WACK is Nick Cannon? And when is he going to stop trying to be this generation’s Will Smith?

5- When, in the last 2 months, have you heard ANYONE say the words “Hillary for President”?

6- Does anyone really care about 50 Cents’ beef with Oprah?

7- Why do gay nuptials destroy the sanctity of marriage (according to Christian Right Fundamentalists), but 2 women wearing wedding dresses fighting over a dwarf on the Jerry Springer show…not?

Questions for the Zeitgeist- April 29, 2006

1- With the "childbirth trifecta" of Gwyneth, TomKat and Brangelina, does anyone care that Brooke Shields and Paul Wall also had additions to their families? And being the media WHORE that she is, why didn’t Kimora Lee try to get knocked up 9 months ago so she could compete in the tabloids? Was she too busy trying to push “Fabulosity”?
















2- Are Amanda Lepore and “plastic surgery psycho” Jenny Lee this generation’s Jocelyn Wildenstein?













3- With the Whitney fiasco in full swing, does anyone care that Mike Tyson is also in rehab for HIS coke addiction? Also, is the monkey still on Rush Limbaugh’s back?

4- There are those of us who are struggling financially. Some of us are just plain broke. However, with gas prices up to $3 a gallon, with each penny costing the United States Mint 1.4 cents to produce (due to rising copper and zinc prices), and with not being able to snatch a decent pair of jeans for less than $200, how can ANYONE afford to be POOR anymore???




5- Swimsuit model May Andersen arrested for assaulting a flight attendant. Naomi possibly going to the clink for assaulting her assistants. Kate Moss a confirmed coke whore. Beverly Peele pulling stunts with other people’s credit cards. What’s next, Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington, Yasmeen Ghauri and Helena Christiansen teaming up to rob Wachovia Bank (a la “Set it Off”)?…







6- Are Persia White and Tricky this generation’s Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz?


7- Considering the ongoing dissent amongst the ranks of this administration regarding its continuation and its initial necessity challenged by both major parties, is Iraq this generation’s Vietnam?

8- Is Kehinde Wiley this generation’s Jean-Michel Basquiat? With the release of the Basquiat sneaker, is Reebok pushing art history or capitalism?


9- Doesn’t Jennifer Lopez get major props for ramping up her fashion game by going from the famous Versace dress to genuine fucking couture in this month’s Bazaar?

10- Never mind Carmen San Diego, where in the F*&#K is BET's '106 & Park' alum FREE? OK, she hosts her own radio show on LA’s 100.3 The Beat, but why has she dropped off the social register? And where is her damn CD that’s been coming out for the last 2 years?








11- We ALL know that Vanessa Williams went on to great things after “the incident”…but where is Suzette Charles?



12- With 6 first-place victories in the last 7 races of the Boston Marathon, what the HELL are they feeding those Kenyan women?

13- They purport to be the leading American fashionistas. They urge the contestants to be “edgy” and “versatile”. SOOOOO...Why haven’t ‘America’s Next Top Model’ authorities Nigel Barker, Jay Manuel and Twiggy bothered to change their looks in AT LEAST the last THREE years? At the VERY least, Mr. Manuel’s bleached blond Bart Simpson look should have been shelved a LOOOOONG time ago (try 2 cycles ago! YAWN! SNORE!)…The English librarian effect that Twiggy rocks; the tailored blazer and unbuttoned stripped dress shirt that Nigel has pushed SINCE THE SHOW’S INCEPTION. Why are Tyra and the ever-opinionated Jay Alexander the only ones that put in the effort to give us something new from week to week? Yet you expect the chicks to give something different every week? C’mon: shouldn’t you bring it like u want it brought?





but I digress...

Questions for the Zeitgeist- April 15, 2006

1- Where the HELL is the once ubiquitous Donatella Versace?

2- If Hillary Clinton challenger Kathleen McFarland couldn’t find time to vote in 6 of the last 14 elections due to “the realities of family life”, why would I find time to go out and vote for HER? Moreover, if ‘familial reality’ is so overwhelming, how did those people in Dade County and Ohio manage to make it to the polls- only to be turned away for one reason or another?

3- The Smithsonian’s multi-year initiative for the National Museum of American History’s exhibit "Hip-Hop Won't Stop: The Beat, the Rhymes, the Life.": is this Hip Hop’s apex or its nadir?

4- She is an absolute GODDESS on the runway and is the editorial equivalent of a cash cow, but… with this being the third time we’ve heard basically the same story, isn’t it time for Naomi Campbell to go to jail? How many staff members have to be assaulted before somebody stops this crazy chick? At least Lil Kim didn’t beat anybody across the cranium…

5- LOVE the CD, LOVE the sassiness, LOVE the realness and all that, but…with that “Ronald McDonald meets big bird” two-tone mane and “not-quite-ghetto-fab” gear, do Keyshia Cole’s stylists hate her?


6- Isn’t The Startec MP3 Airlink -2 space-saving aluminum squares which allows you to connect ANY device with a 3.5mm headphone jack to a stereo or external speakers without any wires, bringing webcast programming and IPod functionality to places beyond where your stereo speakers can reach- the smartest fucking piece of technology of the year? No more tacky wires from your computer/laptop to your internal or external speakers! Won’t that make home offices, Plasma TVs and home theatre systems a LOT slicker?

7- The Yeah Yeah Yeahs, The Strokes, Franz Ferdinand, The White Stripes, Interpol, The Ark, et al- Are kick-ass 80’s rock bands (I mean, TRUE guitar-strumming ROCK) coming back with a vengeance.?


8- Isn’t designer Jeremy Scott’s limited edition, pop culture clash of Adidas high-tops and a never-before-used Keith Haring textile print one of the hottest wardrobe pieces going right now (available at Barney’s nationwide)?











9- From complete ridicule back to the top of her game; is former waif/former cokehead/former Burberry, Chanel, and H&M spokesmodel/ former AND CURRENT Calvin Klein spokesmodel Kate Moss another candidate for the “ultimate hustler”? Why hasn’t Beverly Peele (who will appear on The Tyra Banks show on April 17th), taken a page out of Kate’s playbook?

10- Is Ghostface Killah (whose new CD “Fishscale” is SICK!!!) the most underrated rapper in the game right now? Is he representing for the “grown ass man” rapper contingent, or WHAT?


11- Adriana Lima: absolutely beautiful woman, Victoria’s Secret royalty. Why is she most known for being, as GQ Magazine coined her, “the world’s most voluptuous virgin”? And do the debates over whether her hymen has actually been broken or not even qualify as fodder, or should those involved in those discussions get up from their computers, get out of the house and be more social?

12- How absolutely BRILLIANT was it of NEW YORK MAGAZINE to run a mock cover of Baby Brangelina’s first photos (with fake Brad, fake Zahara, and computer-generated Angelina)? Doesn’t it make the waiting -with bated breath! - for the arrival of the most popular child in recent history (sorry Lourdes and Apple!) seem sooooo trivial? Doesn’t it serve us right for being so caught up in other folks’ business? But I digress...