The Oscar Wrap-up

Picture it: 2007. The Kodak Theatre. Hollywood, California. The creme de la creme of moviemaking assembles for a night of tribute, folly, and recognition. Its February, which in the United States designates Black History Month. In what seems like a coincidence, Five black actors are up for four of the top trophies of the evening. Although some bets are hedged on the chances of all four walking out with those awards, it seems that one- amazingly- is what most people have tuned in for. She arrives on The Red Carpet sartorially turned-out by the great master of elegance, Oscar De La Renta, and the crowd is in awe. What the night holds for this young lady-
let's just call her Jennifer Hudson for now- is what is being deemed the main event.
However, before we are privy what seems like the inevitable, The Red Carpet is rolled out to welcome the invitees and such. Then the TRUE show begins. Weeks- sometimes months- of preparation are needed as designers, stylists and publicists jockey over decisions regarding clothing, jewelry, hair and everything else which is destined to be scrutinized to the Nth degree by those of us sitting in repose on our leather sofas with popcorn and cocktails in hand, ready to take it all in via the miracle of high definition television. Who wears what is perhaps more important than who takes the golden trophy home. Let's consider what was offered, shall we?

Of course, Armani reigned supreme as the go-to choice for the men. Among the women, surprisingly, no one really felt Monique Lhuillier or Kevan Hall- who dominated the red carpet at the Golden Globes. Armani, Zac and Versace saw the most action.

The first gown that made its presence known was Portia Di Rossi, and my night was started off right. DiRossi proved that not all lesbians don flannel lumberjack shirts and severe boycuts, and that some can rock Zac Posen as well as the penis-loving members of her gender. I say if your significant other is the host for the evening, you at LEAST can bring it like this

Ellen wasn't bad either. How can I not be biased by the red velvet Gucci tuxedo she wore- I wore the same suit to a gala a couple of years ago, and its STILL fab! Jodie Foster (hmmm...why am I including her in this paragraph?)
also looked beautiful in this Vera Wang halter dress as well.
Meanwhile, Melissa Etheridge in an ill-fitting men's tux from Domenico Vaca and Tammy Lynn Michaels in a Pamella Rowland gown that looked like an afterthought, on the other hand, looked like they were going to their prom in Podunk, Iowa.



Honorable mentions:
Rachel Wiesz gets an honorable mention. The sheer beauty of the fabric and the expert draping in this Vera Wang made me take notice. The oversized Cartier bling hanging from a thin chain that looks like it barely could support the weight made me cringe. It also fought the sparkling inlay of the decoulletage of her dress. Take off the jewelry and pull that hair back, and we have a fashion moment.



Although its a beautiful color and cut to within an inch of its life, Jessica Biel in this Oscar De La Renta number seemed appropriate. I would have preferred her in something a little more classically elegant.







Celine Dion suprised me in this vintage James Galanos gown.
Elegant, yet understated. The hair was beatiful and flowed well as it shimmied down her back. For some reason, she looked like she was channeling Cher, but with a couture slant. Not bad...


Faye Dunaway in J Mendel. The dress was complete perfection, but someone should advise Dunaway that longer hair on older women only makes you look...older. Take a cue from Helen Mirren, who looks regal in this Christian Dior couture gown.



















Maggie Gyllenhaal is not one of my favorite glamourgirls, but the fact that she wore one of my favorite gowns from Fashion Week- a Proenza Schouler one-shoulder "doolala"- gets her an honorable mention.
I would have preferred a better sculpted effect with the hair and a better effort with the makeup, but I'll take what I can get I guess...











Penelope Cruz was resplendent in Atelier Versace. The dress was beautiful, what with the bottom of the dress being a delicious concoction of silk chiffon, organza and tulle. And THIS
is how you do a chignon!!!


Gwyneth in Zac Posen looked a little washed out. I didn't hate it, I just didn't love it.

Same holds true for Jada Pinkett Smith in Carolina Herrera.


I loved the fact that Meryl Streep, in homage to her latest film, wore Prada.






Jennifer Lopez' signature look was somewhat co-opted by Kate Winslet, who took a cue from La Lopez by wearing a beautifully made goddess inspired Valentino dress with a flawless chignon.
Put a little more "glow" in that skin and it could have been classic JLo, easily...









Reese Witherspoon looked sleeker and more chic than usual in this multi-tiered aubergine stunner. I'm glad she chose to be a little more daring lately, ditching the beautiful vintage drag that she usually trots out for the couture-like elegance of Belgian designer Olivier Theyskens for Nina Ricci. Good job, Reese.


Queen Latifah looked like she was stretching the limits of that Carmen Marc Valvo tuxedo gown, but still managed to look classy.
Looks like somebody's being good to mama...





Favorite couples


Eddie Murphy (who seems to get better looking with age) and Tracy Edmonds beat out Will and Jada as most charming couple. Edmonds, who was stunning in this winningly-crafted Versace creation and elegantly upswept "Maria Calas"-like bun complemented Murphy's gunmetal grey Versace couture tux, BUT...




Forest and Keisha Whitaker were the king and queen of the ball.






And now...The Red Carpet Diva of the night!!!

Nicole Kidman in Balenciaga. Whether it was the elegant bow that hung from the side of this gorgeous "red-carpet red" Balenciaga gown or the seductiveness of the hair swept to the other side,
Kidman ruled supreme this evening.

However, Cate Blanchett in Giorgio Armani Privé- a silver one-shoulder Swarovski crystal mesh gown with tulle overlay and jet black paillette floral motif that left not a centimeter between it and her body-was a close second.













The Best Man
My best-looking man of the evening wasn't George Clooney or Leonardo DiCaprio- surprisingly. Best Supporting Actor nominee Djimon Hounsou was a contender in this chocolate brown Gucci Tux...
And I was taken aback by the stunningly handsome Keith Robinson ("Dreamgirls"), who looked resplendent on the red carpet, but I have to give it up to

Clive Owen in his Armani tux accented with velvet lapels. He represented well for the male contingent.















Now, The "Misses"

(Miss)Cameron Diaz looked like she was donning a twisted up dinner napkin. Although it was Valentino and somewhat modern in scope, it just looked a mess. It didn't help that her hair looked more than distressed.

Mrs. John Travolta, Kelly Preston, missed the mark (and the fashion forecast) when she decided to wear this animal print doozy by Dolce Gabbana (which went out 6 seasons ago).
Perhaps she should have taken her cues from Keisha (wife to Forest) Whitaker. Her Georges Chakra gown, although a little too spring-feeling, was beautifully made and accentuated everything it needed to.



The reason why a lot of people need stylists is because most of us lack the ability to objectively look at ourselves in three dimensions. Surprisingly, Patricia Field- stylist extraordinairre who I can't love enough- turned up in a beautifully made red silk georgette gown by David Dalyrimple for House of Field that wasn't flattering on her! Perhaps if she had taken advantage of some Spanx undergarments, it would have been different. C'mon, Pat- you know better.




(Miss) Beyonce was un-beweaveable once again,
although her Giorgio Armani Privé gown was beautiful.
The whole look just didn't come together well enough for me. C'mon, B, you have me worried here...






Biggest Disappointment

Anne Hathaway was close runner up in this category. You mean to tell me that you starred in one of the most fashion-forward hits of the year, and this Valentino throwaway was all you could come up with on film's most important night ? BOOOO! Go raid the "Runway" closet again...

Almost taking the prize home for biggest disappointmen of the night was Jennifer Lopez. Everyone KNOWS I absolutely worship la boriqua del Bronx, so it pains me to say this. At the Golden Globes, she absolutely shined in Marchesa. She went with Marchesa again and this time...she missed!!!
She looked like she was dressed for bed in a 1940's melodrama. While it may have been forgiving to her figure (fueling speculation that she is with child), it was unforgiving to my vision. No, Jen, NOOOOO!!

However, it would be the OTHER Jennifer- J HUD, that would prove to be the, uhhhh, winner in this category. Word had circulated that Hudson was keeping company with Vogue Creative Editor Andre Leon Talley, and that he would be escorting her to De La Renta for her official Academy Awards "coming out". Alas, hype and expectation led to heartbreak, as Hudson hit the carpet in THIS...

I, for one, was expecting soooo much more. I wanted her to sport an Academy Award Winning updo on her head that signified her official arrival in the annals of both Oscar and fashion history. What I got was tired weave. And that metallic capelet made her look like Ming The Merciless from the Flash Gordon comic series!! I HATED that!!!! At least if she had taken the capelet off and allowed the dress (which WAS beautiful) to shine, it wouldn't have been that bad. I LOVE Hudson- I have pulled for her through the entire awards season. But I have to admit that I was expecting a fashion climax and this was a bit of a denouement. But I digress...


And it goes downhill from there...

Worst dressed just missed Kirsten Dunst who, without regard for a real hairstyle or a better fashion eye, proved you can still look like poor white trash in Chanel haute couture. She should have taken a cue from Rinko Kikuchi, who also gave us Chanel couture but knew how to carry it off. Kikuchi redeemed herself this time because, interestingly enough, she was in Kirsten's place at the Golden Globes, where that Chanel couture dress she wore subjected her to scathing reviews; so much so that I couldn't even stand to show her in my Golden Globes review. In retrospect, I think she should have been glad that Vanessa Williams was there, otherwise she would have walked off with worst dressed- easily. But I digress..

However, Dunst should be glad that Eva Green attended, because it saved her from worst dressed. Green looked absolutely pycho in this Givenchy straightjacket of chiffon, not to be outdone by the madness of her makeup.
What was THAT- Vampira Angelina Jolie meets Christina Ricci as Wednesday Addams at a wedding? The WORST!!!








But enough of that. Back to the actual ceremony...


Where were we? Oh yeah...So we sit and wait for this Jennifer Hudson person to be considered in her category. Some of the winners are less than interesting to us, but we sit- rapt and patient- while The Academy of Arts and Sciences systematically honor their own. Winners take the stage, gush and emote at their victory, thank their families and agents, and gracefully make their way off of the stage, happy to be able to use the phrase "Academy Award Winner" as an alternative to their surname which somehow differentiates them from the average civilian. A hilariously deadpan comedian doubles as host and actors try their hand at being comedians. Musical numbers ensue. Those inducted into the club are whisked backstage to answer a barrage of questions from the media, who clamor for that one soundbyte that makes their whole night worthwhile. We are surprised that this whole brouhaha- which in recent years has been incredibly boring- has somehow managed to entertain if not excite us. We tick off our scorecards, as those we routed for sometimes win and sometimes don't. There's even a surprise upset in the Best Supporting Actor category. Then, right after the Pilobolus dance troupe does an interesting interpolation of "Best Animated Feature Film" nominee 'Dancing Feet', the category we've waited for all night. Forget Best Picture and Best Director (although it was GREAT that Martin Scorcese would finally join his contemporaries by winning both!!!), we're here to get to the nitty gritty- WILL Jennifer Hudson reign supreme this evening? The tension is palpable as the nominees are read- Adriana Baraza, Cate Blanchett, Abigail Breslin, Jennifer Hudson, Rinko Kikuchi. Then...Jennifer emerges victorious! She takes the stage (sans the aforementioined metallic capelet), and waxes poetic about the power of God, her grandmother, the genius of her director and the immense talent of her co-stars. Exit stage left with George Clooney. And the rest is history...

A couple of observations...


The most ridiculous (and possibly most shady)part of the evening:
Jennifer Hudson, Beyonce, Eddie Murphy, and Director Bill Condin sit in the first row for the entire show. Meanwhile Anika Noni Rose, Dreamgirl #3- who as a co-star contributed much more to the film than Murphy's date Tracey Edmonds or Beyonce's father Mathew Knowles, is seated SEVERAL rows back and is forced to watch the show from behind Jerry Seinfeld's head. JERRY SEINFELD, who (If you don't include his bit part in last year's "The Aristocrats") has absolutely NOTHING to do with the film industry, was sitting IN FRONT of one of stars of perhaps the most hyped movies of the year!!!! I was insulted for her.

Most creative screentime:
The Piloboulus Dance Troupe bent and molded their bodies into shapes resembling everything from 'Snakes on a Plane' to a human-sized revolver to represent 'The Departed'. Excellent!

The surprises of the evening
-Eddie Murphy upstaged by Alan Arkin for Best Supporting Actor.

-"Marie Antoinette" nabbing best Costume Design from my choice, the lush "Curse of the Golden Flower"

-Jennifer Lopez did NOT serve it the way she usually does.

-Forest Whitaker actually slowed himself down and delivered a decipherable and heartfelt acceptance speech in his win for Best Actor.

-I actually watched the whole damned telecast- and I LIKED it!!!!

Fade to Black...